I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
