Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
