She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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