she was so not down for the gang bang
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
