I puked a lego.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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