is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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