pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
