Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
