DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
