Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
