I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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