Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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