Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
