exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
