i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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