Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
