I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
