I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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