there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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