omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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