you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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