a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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