she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
