just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
