you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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