Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
