i think my tv is drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
