need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
