1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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