we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
