Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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