Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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