I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
