I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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