Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
