Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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