Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
