I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
