I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
