I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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