i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The adults are the big ones right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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