I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
