and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He passed out mid-signature
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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