guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
