I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
