I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize