I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
