they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
