I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
