fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
