I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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