It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
