Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4502) Bad night (859)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?

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  (514): i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome? http://tfl.nu/1uvu
  Replies (18) Good night (3691) Bad night (782)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  I believe so, yes.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?

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  (479): I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing? (1-479): I believe so, yes. (479): Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you? http://tfl.nu/chrd
  Replies (46) Good night (2506) Bad night (958)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.

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  (407): He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat. http://tfl.nu/lz98
  Replies (12) Good night (3776) Bad night (1029)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

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  (416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment. http://tfl.nu/mdg4
  Replies (9) Good night (8447) Bad night (1141)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

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  (610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b
  Replies (6) Good night (1754) Bad night (1275)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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  (907): I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled. http://tfl.nu/g1t3
  Replies (11) Good night (2282) Bad night (930)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume

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  (703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez
  Replies (9) Good night (2515) Bad night (848)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"

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  (541): It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday" http://tfl.nu/cbpt
  Replies (4) Good night (2428) Bad night (832)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?

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  (423): Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina? http://tfl.nu/kprk
  Replies (5) Good night (1132) Bad night (634)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.

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  (415): I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids. http://tfl.nu/608j
  Replies (2) Good night (799) Bad night (332)
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  (424): View more from California

  Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?

  (310): View more from California

  "Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."

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  (424): Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth? (310): "Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants." http://tfl.nu/ausk
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today

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  (630): Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today http://tfl.nu/53sc
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"

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  (985): He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal" http://tfl.nu/l9pc
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (147)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.

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  (703): Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire. http://tfl.nu/ujca
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (159)

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