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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment

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• (716): View more from New York

  Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.

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