i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation