around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.