Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
about cumming, not toast