I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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