DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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