finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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