Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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