He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
