i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
