to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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