So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want a musical about memes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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