you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
