I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
