my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
